Friday, December 3, 2010


I wish confidence came naturally, like love. Instead, I need to hear that I'm doing fine as a mother. I need someone to tell me that it's okay when my presence doesn't comfort him when he cries. That I'm not a failure when I can't fix it. That I'm not a mess for crying with him. That nothing is wrong with me when he won't nurse. That he still loves me when all my efforts make the crying worse. That the anxiety everyday when I leave is still acceptable.

I'd like to hear that it gets easier, comforting a baby who can't tell me what's wrong. But I don't want to be lied to.

Parachute. Ingrid Michaelson. Listen to it.
Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night
And you are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight
Just hold onto me, I'll hold onto you
It's you and me up against the world, it's you and me

I don't need a parachute, baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you, I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me, you're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down.

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