Friday, February 26, 2010

26w 5d hiccups

I've thought on a few occasions that I might be feeling the baby having hiccups -- a subtle rhythmic thumping. I'm sure it will get more pronounced as the baby gets bigger and its space gets even more cramped. And the doctor said that hiccups are more frequent the farther along the baby is.

The doctor appointment went well. We're to the point now where we will start coming in every two weeks! We received a free sample of formula and a travel diaper holder/changing pad (something I could take off the registry...). On the next visit, I will get the gestational diabetes test.

This time, when we listened to the heartbeat, we got a little bit extra. Mixed in among the steady heartbeats was the rhythmic squeak of the baby hiccups! It was one of the most precious things I've heard.

The doctor said that she can tell by the position of the heartbeat that the head is pointed downward and the feet up, kicking at my ribs. This sounds like the best position.

I get an email each week from Community Memorial Hospital. This week, it said that the baby has eyelashes, its eyes can move in their sockets, and it can tell light and dark but can't discern specific objects yet. Its senses are becoming fine-tuned and more responsive to light, sound, taste, smell, and touch. Its skin is becoming smoother as body fat accumulates beneath the skin. Its brain is developing further, and it can direct breathing movements.

About the back situation: Early this morning was an initial visit to a new chiropractor who ran several cool tests. I'll get the results and a better idea of our plan of action on Monday morning. Already, I like that this doctor is focused on watching closely what improvements I make, and helping me improve all aspects of my lifestyle that may be adversely affecting my back pain (in addition to chiropractic adjustments etc.). Apart from the time commitment, the big negative is going to be the cost. If she does suggest I come in every week, this is really going to cost me.

Here's a feelgood song in dedication to my hubby. He likes this one, and it always reminds me of him when I hear it. From Weezer's (If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To:
The rest of the summer was the best we’ve ever had
We watched Titanic and it didn’t make us sad
I took you to Best Buy
You took me home to meet your mom and dad

Your mom cooked meat loaf, even though I don’t eat meat
I dug you so much, I took some for the team
Your dad was silent
His eyes were fixed to what was on TV

And the conversation stopped, and I looked down at the ring
Your folks were next to you, and you were right there next to me
And I said

Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it’s true (swear it's true)
Without you my heart is blue
Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
So make the move (make the move)
cause I ain’t got all night

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

26w 2d sugar

Right on the heels of a post about becoming more nutritious, I went and had way too much sugar today. I just feel like I should be eating...

Andy took a picture of us today that he said was "for the baby... to show how happy we are."

Monday, February 22, 2010

26 weeks psych

The prenatal massage was, like most massages I've had, useless. I was on the table when it was all done, and my back still killed me with knots. The situation was the same before the pregnancy as it is now -- I can't find a massage therapist who will take me seriously when I say that the pain is intense. I must appear just another delicate female with a whining problem.

I'm tempted to be my stubborn self and just "deal" as I've done since quitting the chiropractor, but I'm only being lazy and hurting myself. So I made an appointment with a new chiropractor for Friday morning, a woman who specializes in pregnancy (among other things). Maybe it will be the same old problem and she won't understand me. Maybe my insurance will fail me. But I'll try.

It's the same reason I'll keep doing the Denise Austin pregnancy exercise DVD even though I want to slap her grinning, over-tanned face.

Because underneath the lazy facade, I'm not actually a quitter. I have my priorities pretty well in order.

I've been thinking a lot about mental health today, as well as nutrition and exercise. I filled out an online survey for the new chiropractor that covered all manner of health topics as part of this overall wellness plan (even though I'll only be taking advantage of the chiropractic side).

The results of my evaluation spoke very poorly for my nutrition (surprise, surprise), but well for my mental health. There were many questions about stress levels, dealing with problems, voicing my opinions, etc. I really wasn't worried about my mental health, communication skills, or coping methods, but it still felt good to pass the test, even if it was just a dumb online survey.

Now if only I could pass muster on the nutrition.

Andy said that we'll start eating better -- and eating at home -- before baby's arrival. We'll eat our fruits, veggies, and protein. We'll cut back on the grease. I'm all too aware that it's so much easier said than done.

We have to do it for baby! (Who, by the way, is very close to being named via compromise!) Bad nutrition or not, baby has been kick-kick-kicking.

I can't believe we're in the double-digits! Less than 100 days to go!

A favorite "mental health" song, "That I Would Be Good" by Alanis Morissette.
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

25w 2d tequila

This is the 85th post to this baby-laden blog and we’re getting oh so close to only 100 days in the countdown. Back at the beginning, I remember wondering what it would be like when we finally got to this point…
What will it be like when I’m big and round? Uncomfortable… bizarre… like I’ve had a large, half-inflated beach ball implanted under my stretched-out skin. And if I even think about slouching a fraction of an inch, my lungs ache.

What will kicks feel like? Like one of those strong heartbeats you get after running a mile, only lower down and amplified. The softer ones are like a padded nudge while the harder ones are like someone has hooked around and jabbed at your guts. It used to be localized, but now I’ll just as easily feel a kick to the nether regions followed immediately by a jab to the ribs.

Will I stop thinking about miscarriage? Not really. I still think about the first baby, who never had a chance. Sometimes I wish I knew if it had been a girl or boy, and sometimes I’m glad I don’t know, glad it ended quickly before it could’ve broken even more of my heart, if that’s possible. But I still wonder if something can go wrong with this pregnancy, or even a future pregnancy, and if I’m going to be put through that again.
I’m still surprised this is really happening. This afternoon I lifted my shirt for a moment and watched my child – my child – move and thump around in his/her cramped neighborhood (AKA my ribcage). We have a child. We made a person. And he/she is growing. Here is exhibit A to admit into evidence:

In case you heard the naming rumor, it’s true. This weekend, Andy did in fact say, “If we have a Mexican baby, can we name it Toquita Banana?”

Ahh, Baby Toquita, how we long to gaze upon your Hispanic face. At least we aren’t naming you Tequila.

In honor of Toquita Banana, here’s my favorite song by my favorite Mexican pop star (La Pared versión acústica, by Shakira).
Sabes que sin ti ya yo no soy
Sabes que a donde vayas voy, naturalmente
Después de ti la pared, no me faltes nunca
Debajo el asfalto y mas abajo estaría yo,
Sin ti

You know that without you I no longer am
You know wherever you go, I go, naturally
After you, the wall, don’t ever let me be without you
Beneath the asphalt and even deeper down, I’d be,
Without you.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

24w 2d caution

Every day, sometimes multiple times, Andy tells me to drive carefully, be careful, take care of the little one, etc. In fact, moments after I wrote that sentence, he called to say hello, and when I mentioned that I'd stop by during his (dinner) lunch hour, he said, "Drive carefully."

It's endearing. And even when it may not be necessary for me to hear it, I'm only too eager to accept that safe is definitely better than sorry in any matter relating to the little one. In this case, his habit of repeating himself is a good thing.

It isn't surprising that the instinct to protect has already come out in both of us. It's why I've started counting kicks. It's why I went to the emergency room when I could've waited out my illness. It's why I wear my seatbelt the proper way now. It's why I only have eight ounces or so of caffeinated beverages in a week, even though Diet Pepsi is, to me, the nectar of the gods. It's why I'm relieved that we've made it past the 24th week and are officially in that period where it's possible to save the baby should something happen prematurely.

It's why I love that my husband can, on occasion, be insanely cautious.

As far as the mentioned illness, I'm still feeling funky, but mostly because eating doesn't really agree with me -- and I'm weak and nauseated from not eating. It must be a special nausea, because the Zofran doesn't seem to touch it. However, I predict I'll be at 100 percent soon.

It's strange, but I think the past few days were ones of rapid growth for the baby. My midsection actually looks different, with hollows on the sides of the bulging belly, and more of a bulge up high by the ribs. I'm feeling it differently now too, more aware of the various stretches and pushes and kicks, which are becoming more and more uncomfortable with each one. How quickly baby grows -- a sign of things to come once baby is born too, I'm sure you parents will agree.

A song for my hubby and his mommy -- "Don't Let The Sun (Your Son) Catch You Crying" by Gerry & The Pacemakers, which was their dance at our wedding. Thanks again to Uncle Steve and the wedding band.
The nighttime shadows disappear
And with them go all your tears
For the morning will bring joy
For every girl and boy
So don't let (your son) catch you crying.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

23w 6d sickness

Wow. Sick. Very sick. Forgive my being graphic, but I haven't thrown up uncontrollably and repeatedly like this in years. It doesn't matter what's in me... cereal, popsicle, water. It's not staying down.

Could it have anything to do with the pregnancy? Or is it the flu? Is Baby Schultz in danger? What can I do besides pray for unconsciousness to come quickly tonight?

Update: The ER said virus. I say food poisoning, as Andy lost it too, and he feels better now. It appears I'm just more compromised than he. Shortly, I will gather up my pathetic self and go get my prescription for Zofran. Then it's a clear liquid diet for the rest of the day, and a follow-up visit with the family doctor.

Luckily, the ER took a listen to the heartbeat and felt around the uterus, and all looks fine for Baby Schultz. I had the opportunity last night to learn that the baby moves around and kicks a lot in the wee hours of the morning. While it's reassuring that the baby is active and healthy, I hope it doesn't keep the same hours after birth.

Tip of the Day: If you've been waiting an hour for a prescription at Wal-Mart, start crying at the counter. They change your status to "critical."

New Experience of the Day: Being kicked in the stomach when you have the stomach flu.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

23w 3d dream

I had a realistic dream last night. Not that it made sense -- my dreams never really do. But it felt so real. I gave birth and I held you and Andy named you, and later I fed you outside under the sun. You had the funniest little face and red hair (no idea why).

Even though I have the real thing here inside me, I felt a little empty when I woke up. There was real love in the dream, even if it was just in my head.

Lately, with the different moods and emotions swirling through me, it's as though I have multiple personality disorder. I could describe all the personalities here, but it would take up the whole page. Suffice it to say that I range from the blind fog of panic and indecision to the bright clarity of patient love to the come-on-already desire to blink away the next 116 days and get started on my new life, new role.

On a personal level, it's like my identity has completely changed. Although I have a self-professed baby obsession, am I ready for that to define me? To no longer be the person I've been, to become this new role?

Going back and forth in these moods is so exhausting!

Maybe whenever I get scared I can think of the dream again, where the love spread through me like the warmth from the sun, and there was nothing bad that could touch me as long as I had you in my arms and Andy at my side, looking down at you with the love so clear in his eyes.

By the way, thank you to everyone who provided registry input. It was incredibly handy to get expert opinions, and at 134 items total, the registries are certainly comprehensive! Buying things and choosing things for the registry has been a great way to calm myself down and help get prepared. Here is our new crib and changing table combo, which came with a free mattress. (Thanks, Gerry and Agnes!)

I spotted this song on Andy's iPod and remembered that I had once thought it might be our wedding song (in the end we went with "I Only Have Eyes For You" as sung by our wedding band). But I still have a soft spot for this song, and now it seems near perfect for Baby Schultz. From "To Make You Feel My Love" by Garth Brooks (written by Bob Dylan):
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love...

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love