Monday, January 30, 2012

trying to challenge a curious mind

I keep thinking about school, and how (in a couple short years) I would put money on the fact that Fletch will love being in an environment of learning and discovering.

I'm not challenging him enough.

There's too much TV, for one thing.

TV isn't the only thing hindering full use of his huge curiosity. There's fear of him making a huge mess or wrecking something. Fear of him getting hurt or frustrated. Mommy's tiredness. Lack of time, which may or may not be true. And of course, his age. Some toddler activities I've researched just wouldn't work for him because he would rather throw things than play with them, rather scream than listen.

I'm working toward it though. With the help of Pinterest ( I'm planning activities we can try now, and in the near future. Some of the things I've pinned will be really fun if Fletch cooperates.

Let me know if you have any great, cheap, instructive, or creative ideas. Or if you know how to turn off the TV.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

CD14 baby fairy shout out

Any posts about the dream of a second baby are written here in fits and starts, I realize. This is my place to go when I need to work things out, or it used to be. These days I find my highs and lows and hope and pain going more internal. Like a knife, each cut goes deeper. I spend a lot of time feeling as if I've gone into hiding. A little quiet, a little cold, a little tired. Eyes close, but can't fall asleep. Staring at the computer screen, but unable to concentrate. Voicing the emotional words without feeling any of the emotions.

In any case, if we conceive a baby this cycle, today was the magical day. So please, baby fairy, sprinkle your fairy dust on my uterus today, okay?

Photo album

December 2011 and January 2012

The boys chillin'

miniature Andy



Christmas 2011

a handsome boy in his suit

Fletcher-sized picnic table handmade by Grandpa

picture perfect smile

Random 50 degree day in January...

Remember that time as a kid that I took my mitten off, stuck my hand in the snow, and started crying? Yeah, this little apple barely fell from the tree.

He loves being tucked into mommy and daddy's bed...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Take my hand

20 months old and drooling

My baby is a boy. He holds my hand now to pull me where he wants me, and I'm so happy to have the interaction that I go wherever he takes me, even if he pulls on me when I'm lying sick on the couch.

He may not say much ("momom," "dadada," and "up"), but he knows what bedtime means, up, down, happy feet, twirling, milk, water, more, toothbrush, outside, chair, shoes, kitty, upstairs, downstairs, home. He'll do what you ask, if he wants to. Any kind of limit is something worth screaming over.

I love spending time with him, though I never seem to have the energy and muscle to do all that he wants I want -- to keep up and encourage and jump around and pretend. It still aches in my chest each time I leave for work, even as it did when he was five weeks old, but it isn't as painful because he knows his routine as well as I do. He knows when it's time to sleep, time to get up, time to eat, time for mama to leave, time for mama to return.

Time is all I ask out of this life... just more time before I blink and he's a man who no longer wants to take his mother by the hand and lead her off the couch.

Two months of photos are coming soon. For now, this:

Friday, January 6, 2012

6DPO and hoping again

When trying to conceive, everything moves in slow motion. I can only be grateful that it continues to move. One day, and then another, toward possibility.

Today I had the smallest bit of spotting, which I think can only be implantation. Hope, which I'd kept in a back room, is front and center whether I want it there or not. In one week, I'll take a test. One day, and another, and another, toward possibility.