23w 3d dream

I had a realistic dream last night. Not that it made sense -- my dreams never really do. But it felt so real. I gave birth and I held you and Andy named you, and later I fed you outside under the sun. You had the funniest little face and red hair (no idea why).

Even though I have the real thing here inside me, I felt a little empty when I woke up. There was real love in the dream, even if it was just in my head.

Lately, with the different moods and emotions swirling through me, it's as though I have multiple personality disorder. I could describe all the personalities here, but it would take up the whole page. Suffice it to say that I range from the blind fog of panic and indecision to the bright clarity of patient love to the come-on-already desire to blink away the next 116 days and get started on my new life, new role.

On a personal level, it's like my identity has completely changed. Although I have a self-professed baby obsession, am I ready for that to define me? To no longer be the person I've been, to become this new role?

Going back and forth in these moods is so exhausting!

Maybe whenever I get scared I can think of the dream again, where the love spread through me like the warmth from the sun, and there was nothing bad that could touch me as long as I had you in my arms and Andy at my side, looking down at you with the love so clear in his eyes.

By the way, thank you to everyone who provided registry input. It was incredibly handy to get expert opinions, and at 134 items total, the registries are certainly comprehensive! Buying things and choosing things for the registry has been a great way to calm myself down and help get prepared. Here is our new crib and changing table combo, which came with a free mattress. (Thanks, Gerry and Agnes!)



I spotted this song on Andy's iPod and remembered that I had once thought it might be our wedding song (in the end we went with "I Only Have Eyes For You" as sung by our wedding band). But I still have a soft spot for this song, and now it seems near perfect for Baby Schultz. From "To Make You Feel My Love" by Garth Brooks (written by Bob Dylan):

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love...

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

22w 6d assignment

I have a favor to ask of anyone who reads this and has a few moments open. Can you look at our registries and let me know if there's too much stuff? Not enough? Recommendations, advice, warnings?

I wound up putting two different car seats on there. The Wal-Mart registry has a car seat that fits on a stroller it comes with, plus you can order extra bases for it. The Target registry has a highly-rated car seat (with a built-in base, I believe) that stays with the baby up to 65 pounds. Should I leave them both on there?

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Wal-Mart Registry

Target Registry

We've heard that a couple baby showers may be in the works, so I'm really excited. I'm all for any excuse I can get to be excessively baby obsessed oriented for a couple hours. And I'm extremely grateful for everyone's generosity. Thanks again for the shopping trip yesterday, Mumma. The new bra and maternity pants are in the wash. ♥

One more thing: Andy thinks perhaps we should give up the gender game and tell everyone whether to go pink or blue, at least before any baby showers. What do you think? Is this a pointless game? Are we being foolish? Or would you actually like to be surprised on the big day? I could go either way at this point. It would be fun to have everyone know, even if it does spoil the surprise.

Here's a song that Andy and I always enjoy singing in the car together. I told him I'd post it on the blog, and he said I should probably skip the lyrics about vodka and whiskey and mistresses. Yeah, it isn't the perfect song for the baby blog, but here goes. From "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi:

With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
Its own beat in my head
While we're talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
What you mean to me
And the truth is, baby, you're all that I need
I want to lay you down in a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses