13w5d hello to you too

Baby is around three and a half inches long from head to butt -- the size of a lemon. Half of that is his head.

They say that feeling/noticing fetal movement happens earlier with subsequent pregnancies and I'm happy to say they were right, so neener-neener to you naysayers. I know a kick when I feel one. It turns out it's a sensation you don't forget. I can feel the subtle differences already -- the surprising thump of a stretching/turning over baby versus the tickling flutter of a wiggling baby deep inside. I don't feel it often, only a couple times at night, but it's like an unexpected "hello" from the great unknown.

Baby already has fingerprints and could be sucking his thumb. He squints and frowns. And since he's our kid, he is probably starting to grow his full head of hair.

I think I yawned four times while writing this. Holy CRAP growing a person is exhausting and constant.

11w6d you're not a day too soon

And then we heard your heart beating.

Honey, I will stitch you
Darling, I will feel you in my heart
Honey, I will meet you
Darling, I will keep you in my heart
I've been running all my life
I ran away, I ran away from good
Yeah, I've been waiting all my life
You're not a day, you're not a day too soon

from "Day Too Soon" by Sia

11w5d amazed

"Look at you."

"Just look at you."

Maybe the ultrasound tech thought I was crazy, but I talked to the baby all during the ultrasound. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. He was turning, kicking, bouncing, dancing, twisting, and ricocheting like a pinball. He looked so much like a grown baby as he showed off his moves and various body parts... hands, feet, legs, arms, and perfect baby head. He also showed off a part that, if the "nub theory" is to be believed, indicates he's a boy.

I'm going to be outnumbered.

Amazement. Sure, pictures are nice, but a movie is so much more. And to know that what you're watching is live action? It awed me. He was so... alive.

And for the first time in a long time, despite sleepless nights and stress to the breaking point, I feel alive too.

Upturned face. You can see the round glow of the heart and a faint hand.

I know he can't "see," but it looks like he's studying his perfect little hand.

He measures big--12 weeks 4 days, almost a week ahead. The results of the screening will come in a week. For now, I'm trying to hold onto the glow of this tiny, active miracle as long as I can.