Sunday, August 29, 2010

14 weeks anniversary

Andy came up with a brilliant idea for a novelty book we should write: Things You Never Expected to Hear Your Spouse Say... Until You Had a Baby. It could be a whole series -- ...Until You Had a Toddler, ...Until You Had Kids, ...Until You Had Teenagers...

I think what I said that prompted the idea was (queue baby voice), "Do you like my finger?"

Yesterday, Andy said that he had never known I had this side to my personality -- I think he was talking about the googly-eyed, silly, baby-talking mommy side -- especially when we were first getting to know each other, when the idea of having children was as far from my brain as space travel.

This week, Andy and I celebrated three years of marriage. On our first anniversary, I initially began to want to start a family. On our second anniversary, we lost our first pregnancy. On the third, we've got a baby who's more amazing than either of us could ever have imagined. I never knew a baby could be so happy and fun, never knew I could love so much.

When our baby cries in his sleep, I touch his soft hair and tell him, "Mumma's here." And whenever I do that, I feel a little stunned at how quickly the words come out, and how much they mean.

Is there a way to feel more balanced between being a mother and being a wife? Am I supposed to find one? Are there times when I'm so absorbed with being Fletcher's mother that I'm neglecting everything and everyone else? If actions speak louder than words, what exactly am I saying?

To the man who has been with me almost ten years... My partner, who shared vows with me in a garden three years ago. Whose humor keeps me going, whose good sense I admire, whose loyalty and depth and good nature make this life we're building so easy to enjoy. I love you.

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