Monday, October 3, 2011

4w1d scared

October 3, 2011

My temperature dropped almost an entire degree. If history is any indication, this means miscarriage. Today.

Today I could lose a baby I barely had.

I saw the warning in Andy's eyes all weekend: Don't get too confident. Don't be too sure. It's too early.

As usual, he was right, but I'm not built for heeding this warning. You are my baby, you are here, you exist. You, the one inside of me, will always be the person I cannot keep at a distance, no matter how smart it would be, no matter how many times I tell myself that you may not survive. That chances are you won't.

Please. I'll beg you. I'll beg the universe. I'll beg God. But it feels like I'm talking in an empty room, standing alone here, with you.

Please don't leave. We only just found each other.

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