9w4d random updates

I added the typical pregnancy tickers to the blog.

I fell down the stairs this week, which if you remember my last pregnancy means I'm a little freaked out.

I still get super unbelievably nauseated, but I haven't thrown up in a couple weeks.

When I first got up this morning, I walked into several walls because someone is messing with my balance.

This is the tenth week, which means baby is finally looking less amphibious and more like a baby, with a head half the size of its body, bending limbs, and all the important organs. Baby is an inch big and weighs less than a penny.

Fletcher is taking a little too much liberty with his new toddler bed freedom, getting up mid-morning when Andy has only had a few hours of sleep. I'm not sure how we're going to adjust to this.

Fletcher had his first of two evaluations to determine if he has a speech problem worthy of therapy (or any other problems). The woman stayed for a good hour and a half and got treated to every aspect of Fletcher's personality, including a tantrum so epic that, well, it just figures. The good news is that everything about Fletcher, even his tantrum, was fine and healthy, and Andy and I got the stamp of approval for how we handled it (which is always nice to hear). He's a typical active almost-three-year-old boy who just doesn't see a need to use many words.

A big brother in the making

Fletcher doesn't know he's going to be a big brother. For a kid who's never around other kids and has no concept of what siblings are, there's no way to explain what's coming, even if he did have a vast vocabulary (we really aren't sure what he does and doesn't understand of what we say to him).

But we're preparing now for changes ahead anyway. Still intending to sell our condo in favor of a house with room to grow, we bought new carpeting for all of the bedrooms. In the process, we discovered/remembered that Fletcher's crib doesn't fit through our doorways. So, since we had no choice but to disassemble/reassemble, we made a decision to set up a nursery in another room.

It's strange looking at these little bedrooms now that their purposes have changed. For years, Fletcher's room has been the nursery. Now it's just Fletcher's room, complete with toddler bed and a kind of freedom--the potential of which Fletch hasn't realized yet. When he does begin roaming the condo at any and all hours, we're in trouble.

And the spare room, once a catch-all office with our extra bed and furniture, is becoming a nursery. Two rooms, two children.

Fletcher embodies how I feel about it all. At 11:30 last night he was still running around from room to room, too excited and confused to sleep. When I finally turned off the hallway light and walked him to his brand new bed, he willingly crawled in and lay on his back looking up at the ceiling--higher above him than it used to be. I studied his face for a long moment and saw a mixture of emotions. He liked his new bed, I could see that. But he was uncertain, as well. I could hear all the questions he couldn't say: why am I sleeping here? Is this for good or just one night? Do I want to sleep here for good? What else is going to change in my room?

I kissed him on the cheek, something I couldn't do when he was in his crib. Another change. As I turned off his light, I told him that I loved him, something I always did when he was in his crib. I hope he knows that, of everything, that will never change.

7w4d? lima bean

Andy said our jelly bean looks more like a lima bean. I'm not even sure if lima beans are bigger than jelly beans, but let's just decide that they are.

Once again this time around, I'm confused by the doctor's timing, but I'll just go with it. She says baby is due September 28, and that today I'm 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Baby measures 7 weeks and 6 days, though, which is what I thought I was...

So whatever. I'll count Saturdays as the first day of every new week from here on out.

Next appointment will be a month from now, though I may be doing the early screening at the hospital in a few weeks if I feel like it.

Right now I don't feel like doing much of anything. Even eating, my one joy lately, has taken a wrong turn into vomit-land. Too much work, painful nausea, and a night-owl toddler mean I don't nap and barely sleep at night. I feel like a zombie, if zombies were prone to throwing up.

Hello, bean.

7w2d Jelly Bean

What was a tiny sesame seed last week is a big jelly bean this week. Baby measured two days ahead of where she actually is. The doctor decided on a due date of September 28. And on Tuesday I decided, for no particular reason, that I think it's a girl, though I'm kind of hoping for a boy because I've really loved being a boy's mom so far.

The bright white dot in the center of my jelly bean is the beating heart.

Time has brought your heart to me

6 weeks 1 day

Today I saw your tiny heart beating, and it felt like I was meeting you for the first time. It was like shaking your hand, and learning that all the time I waited for you, you were waiting too—two stars moving toward each other across galaxies and finally getting our chance to collide.

Yes, just one baby in there.

Facts:

• This week, arms and legs are budding, the organs are forming, the umbilical cord has formed, and the facial features are becoming more defined. The little heart beats more than 100 times per minute.
• March 22 is the start of the second trimester (or March 15, depending on who you ask)
• May 10 is the middle of the pregnancy, when we would most likely learn blue or pink
• June 28 is the start of the third trimester (or June 21)
• September 27 baby is due (as of right now)

I had a number of songs while pregnant with Fletcher that felt like they belonged to us—Innocence by Avril Lavigne, These Are The Days by Van Morrison, In My Arms by Plumb, Sea Of Love by Cat Power, The Very Thought of You by Billie Holiday, Stay Awake from Mary Poppins, and I'm With You by Avril Lavigne (which I sang to him on the day he was born).

And now this is my song with you, tiny one.

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me

Every breath, every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you 
Time has brought your heart to me 
I have loved you for a thousand years 
I'll love you for a thousand more