10) Office Lunches. Free food isn't worth going ten hours without the baby and having to add another session with the breast pump to my work day.
9) Pumping. It used to be easy. But the twins have caught on that this isn't natural and this contraption isn't really a baby. Now they must be beaten into submission. Twice a day. And sometimes on weekends. Especially on holidays.
8) Holidays. I'm new at this. Eventually I'll figure out how to haul a baby, diaper bag, breast pump with car adapter, boppy pillow, teething gel, toys, blankets, and spoon feeding supplies to six different places in three days plus a trip to Wal-Mart during the busiest shopping weekend without forgetting the baby's jacket or, you know, having a meltdown.
7) Shopping. It used to be great to browse around, especially at Christmas. Now there aren't words dark enough for how much other shoppers at our Wal-Mart suck. The gift I have for repressing my feelings among these rude, inconsiderate, clueless strangers will fail one day soon, resulting in a volcano of cart-crashing rage.
6) Teeth. They are so not worth what it takes to grow them.
5) Toys With Catchy Music. Get it out of my head. Get it out of my head!
4) Cats. If the baby's blanket is on the floor, a cat will be on it. If the baby's toy is on the floor, a cat will be playing with it. If neither of these is the case, the cats will be on the kitchen table, on the kitchen counters, or in the kitchen sink, doing their damnedest to get cat hair on every single surface.
3) Driving. We don't really fit in our cars anymore. Even without my family and the required bags, my back pain has gotten to the point where I despise sitting anywhere, especially my car.
2) Showering. It was one of the best parts of the day. It would relieve some of my back pain, it was relaxing, it was great to be clean. Now it takes twice as long as I dash in and out of the bathtub to rescue the baby who has found some new crevice to roll into and smack his head.
1) Independence. Andy and I always were independent of each other, with nearly opposite schedules, and it worked fine. Now, sometimes it's like being a single parent.
I used to think about earlier times in my life, like high school, and wish I could go back for a short while just to enjoy it again, and remember the feeling of what life was like then. No job, no mortgage. Going to class. Living in the dorm with my roommates. Every meal prepared for me in the cafeteria.
Now that Fletcher exists, the part of my life where he didn't exist feels lightweight, like those years and experiences just don't have the substance they once did. They're becoming opaque.
Growing up, Fletch won't have experienced life without Andy and me, and his day-to-day routine will seem like the only way. It's interesting being a parent and having the perspective of life before and life after.
Howie, the husband of one of Andy's step-sisters and father of two, said to me, "You couldn't have imagined what life would be like with the baby, but now you would never go back, right?" Of course he's right.
When my lunch hour was over and I needed to leave home to return to work, Fletch was almost asleep on top of a blanket on the living room floor, and Andy was sleeping on the couch. I woke Andy up to tell him I was leaving, and he wondered if he and Fletch needed to relocate back to the (closed) bedroom. I said I wasn't too worried. I should've known better.
When Andy woke up, he found Fletcher still sleeping on the floor, and Walker Kitty Ranger snuggled right up against him. And this was a day after Andy left Fletch unattended for a couple short minutes and returned to find his hair all wet, courtesy of a kitty bath. It looks like Walker is going to be baby's best friend.
Well, in an effort to make being separated from Fletcher a little easier, I've begun a Fletcher YouTube channel. The videos aren't exciting, but they help me. If anyone wants to watch the videos, or has a YouTube account and wants to "subscribe" to his videos, just go to www.youtube.com/MommyLindsayDawn.
Today, Baby Schultz is officially full term. And, according to my husband, the equivalent of a basketball.
He or she is expected to be about 19 or 20 inches long and 6.5 pounds now, and gaining half an ounce per day. He or she spends the day "simulating breathing by inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid, sucking on his or her thumb, blinking, and pivoting from side to side." Around now, the baby also probably has a full head of hair.
According to the chiropractor, I've had an influx of the Relaxin hormone, making my ligaments quite loose. It seems my sense of balance is more affected than ever... After several months, I took a chance on the Wii Fit the other night. It was quite a sight, I'm sure, when I stumbled off the board.
I continue to exercise, though -- everything from walking to bouncing on the exercise ball to Denise Austin's "Fit and Firm Pregnancy." Her breathy, perky voice makes me want to punch something.
Braxton Hicks contractions continue on, and only once did I consider there was a chance I could be in labor (obviously, it was a false alarm). After two hours of painful contractions that extended to my back, I fell asleep and woke up feeling fine.
It took me a little while to realize what has changed for me in the last few days. That feeling of deja vu? It's because my preoccupation with finding labor signs is just like my old preoccupation with finding ovulation and pregnancy signs back in 2009. Continuously analyzing bodily fluids and cramps, counting days, Google searching obscure medical terminology...
Sometimes I pause just to "reconnect" with the baby and remember to slow down and stop obsessing, if that's possible.
Sometime after this photo was taken, I found myself on the living room floor, in hysterics. "Are you crying or laughing?" a bewildered Andy had to ask. It was both.
The culmination of all things pregnancy led to that episode. All the discomfort, the weirdness, the awkwardness of trying to move and function with this misshapen form, the unbelievable tension in my muscles, the fears, the impatience, the worries. I just wanted to hug my husband -- who had been sitting on the floor -- and the task was ridiculous. So I lay in a heap just letting it all out.
I hope I didn't scare the cats or the husband. I'll try not to do that again, but no promises.
From "Orchid" by Alanis Morissette:
I'm a sweet piece of work Well intentioned yet disturbed Wrongly labeled and underfed Treated like a rose as an orchid
It's been one of those weeks where I eat, sleep, and breathe work (literally, I dreamed I was working). Friday is here, and now the exhaustion is catching up with me.
My new shiatsu massage pillow came in the mail last night, and it was wonderful on my aching back. Maybe too wonderful... I feel a little bruised this morning.
Regarding names, the process has been put on hold. We have a few months, after all. But I did hear Andy say this week, in reference to getting the nursery in order, "I guess this isn't something we can procrastinate."
This baby really is a ticking clock, and as the countdown gets closer, my heart beats a little faster. I -- me -- the one who's been wanting a baby and pushing for a baby for years -- I feel the apprehension building, little pulses of panic in my stomach. Everything will change.
Everything will change.
I look at my body and can't recognize my waistline. I just look BIG. I try to remember that I wanted -- was looking forward to -- "the bump."
I look at the cats, especially Bella who has been my baby through all the biggest moments of my life, and I wonder how I'm going to deal with the fact that I won't be able to baby her anymore. Is it sad that she's one of my best friends? She's just a cat. But I'm going to have to start kicking her out of our bedroom soon, because she'll pose a threat to numero uno, the real baby.
The way that I diffuse the pressure is to plan and prepare as much as I can as soon as possible. I've mentioned this before. What I need to remember is that this isn't the same for Andy. I can't be putting all this pressure on him to get everything ready immediately, including the baby's name.
The truth is, I haven't had that "lightning bolt" moment where I think, "This is it. This is the perfect name for our baby." Sure, I have names that I love more than others. But Andy has found his lightning bolt, and unless I have my own little eureka, Andy is going to win out... Which is actually wonderful, seeing a connection between him and this little thing inside me.
Well, if I never find my exact perfect name for this one, I'll just have to take naming rights for the next Baby Schultz.
Probably my favorite movie featuring pregnancy is "Where The Heart Is." Here are lyrics from the movie's theme, "That's the Beat of a Heart."
No one can tell you how to get there It's a road you take all by yourself So listen with all your heart, hold it inside forever You may find all your dreams have already come true Look inside and find the part that's leading you That's the beat of a heart.
Over the past week, the blog has been on Christmas-stress-hiatus. I just wanted to drop in a note to say I still haven't felt fetal movement. However, the baby is about five inches (or even bigger if you count the legs) and when I get up in the morning and look down, all I see is the belly and my toes. This is a little intimidating, as I know there is a lot more growth to go. And the new pudgy love-handles around my back are not exactly endearing me to this process.
Andy found a Nerf toy that shoots foam darts and was having a ridiculously good time hunting the cats (and me) around the house with it last night. I wish I could've snapped an impromptu picture of him crouching with the toy in his outstretched hands, aiming for Walker Kitty Ranger in the opposite bedroom.
At one point, I was about to leave the bathroom when I heard him shout, "Come out, with your hands up." Doing so, however, did not save me from the wrath of the foam darts. My life would be so empty without this guy.
I can't wait to see him with his child.
From "Flying High" by Jem:
I feel so alive Just want to hold you Hold you so tight And I'm flying so high High off the ground When you're around And I can feel your high Touching me inside And it's too much to hide
letting it all hang out on thanksgiving
from left to right: grandpa tom, fletcher, random scary old lady, great-grandma katie
walker, making it work
daddy loves sleepy baby
video games tire him out
an oops photo that i have decided is "artistic"
piggyback
does his cap fit yet? maybe not.
yum. cat.
whoooaaa, dude
a drink after a hard day's work
*slurp*
Walker says, "Mine."
