Honey, I will stitch you
Darling, I will feel you in my heart
Honey, I will meet you
Darling, I will keep you in my heart
I've been running all my life
I ran away, I ran away from good
Yeah, I've been waiting all my life
You're not a day, you're not a day too soon
Any amount of blood in the urine is enough to make this particular pregnant woman hyperventilate, let alone what the nurse today described as "a lot." This just adds to a fun-filled day of waking up at 2 a.m. with the sensation that my nether regions have been set on fire.
I waited an unusually long time for the doctor today, who then seemed very rushed in our appointment. That left me feeling unsatisfied with the diagnosis.
Okay, to be honest, what left me feeling unsatisfied was more the extensive online research I did prior to the doctor appointment, which had me convinced that I could be suffering from at least a dozen different problems, including early labor.
The diagnosis of the old standby -- urinary tract infection (UTI) -- was unsatisfactory because the burning is there constantly and doesn't feel at all connected to urinating. I warned you about receiving too much information in this post, didn't I?
So the doctor didn't really examine anything, just took the baby's heartbeat again and scribbled off a prescription for antibiotics. "They'll be ready when you get there," the doctor had said. She must not be familiar with Wal-Mart.
Now I'm drinking water like it's going out of style in the hopes of flushing that little pill as quickly as possible to the burning nether regions.
In the back of my mind is still the nagging worry that something else could be wrong, but my logical half says that's the obsession talking. In any case, baby's heartbeat was good and my weight had not changed. In other physical news, my back pain has improved to the point I had hoped -- no more episodes of unbearable pain, just the usual discomfort. I'll try to be grateful for that, even as it feels like my chair has burst into flames.
From "Let the Flames Begin" by Paramore:
I give it all my oxygen To let the flames begin... This is how we'll dance When they try to take us down This is what will be, oh glory Somewhere weakness is our strength And I'll die searching for it I can't let myself regret such selfishness My pain and all the trouble caused No matter how long I believe that there's hope
This post has an asterisk because my "weeks/days" label has changed again. Although the doctor says my due date is still May 31, 2010, she claims that today I am 14 weeks and 3 days pregnant. So... we'll have 15 weeks behind us on Saturday rather than Monday.
Here is the 14 weeks (and 2 days...) belly comparison:
All went well at the doctor appointment. Blood pressure is 96/48. It seems falling in pregnancy is pretty common and my body is pretty well equipped to protect Baby Schultz. I never thought I'd be so thankful for these hips and butt.
We heard the heartbeat today (you can try listening to the video below -- you'll have to turn the volume up as it is a recording of a recording). It was fast and loud and healthy. Every time I think of it, I'm reminded that this person is alive inside me. Could there be anything more exciting?
I suspect Andy thinks his new iPod Touch is more exciting, but I'll give him a break. He said he'll finally be excited (as excited as I am) about the baby when it is "out."
Does he realize that's potentially only 25 weeks away? That we're 3/8 of the way there? Every day that passes we get closer to meeting our child!
According to the doctor, we'll have the big diagnostic ultrasound during the second week in January, and that's also about when the baby will begin hearing.
Just so everyone is clear on this... We ARE finding out the gender, but we are NOT sharing it with anyone else! Please don't be angry! We just want something that's "ours," at least until Baby Schultz's big arrival.
I thought the moment we started trying for a child would be the beginning of the rest of our lives. It was the beginning of failure, a cycle so vicious and draining that I wonder how I’m supposed to survive this despair.
Andy’s wishes to hold off for a few years were supposed to be the only obstacle. Five months after our decision finally to have a child, and I’m still screaming.
heartbeat
wanting something I can’t have wishing for something just out of reach there, so close around me everywhere I go pressing at my thoughts with me in every heartbeat then I think this is it, I finally have it and the dream pulses with life and love and promise and future but I blink I look around me and it’s gone the phantom vanishes, taking all life and hope with it taking the heartbeat and leaving an empty chest
All went well at the doctor appointment. Blood pressure is 96/48. It seems falling in pregnancy is pretty common and my body is pretty well equipped to protect Baby Schultz. I never thought I'd be so thankful for these hips and butt.
