35w6d getting ready and wallowing

The edible comparison for baby is now a honeydew. Depending on where you look, he could be 5 pounds and 18 inches long, or 6 pounds and 20 inches long already.

Doctor says his head is quite low -- she was poking it. I'm one centimeter dilated and 50 percent effaced.

Baby's liver, kidneys, circulation, and immune system should be in working order. He's very close to being able to breathe on his own (that should be a week from now, when I'm considered full term).

I kept thinking that September would be a big month where everything in my life changed, but that turned out to be August. Andy had to switch to first shift, and I'm working some insane combination of first and second shift plus my second job. Fletcher is in daycare three days a week, and when baby joins him there, we'll be spending so much money on it that I won't know how to pay our mortgage.

I have only two emotional states. Complete lethargy where I'm only semi-conscious, and panicked mania where I'm convinced that I have to work - have to clean - have to accomplish every goal I've ever set for myself because when baby comes it's all over. The fear of losing our house adds nicely into that.

How much can one brain think about at once? A lot. Every minute is focused on baby, in addition to everything else in my life. The mental exhaustion is really something when combined with the worst insomnia I've ever had.

I won't even get into the physical exhaustion and pain. Suffice it to say that if Andy "jokes" any more about how he knows all about it (and has it worse) because he's heavier than I am, I'm going to punch him in the face.

I run through my list of blessings often. I haven't forgotten how lucky I am, how good things are, how sad I will be when my last pregnancy is over forever.

But I need permission to sit and wallow in how hard this all is. I have to give myself that.

37 weeks term

Today, Baby Schultz is officially full term. And, according to my husband, the equivalent of a basketball.




He or she is expected to be about 19 or 20 inches long and 6.5 pounds now, and gaining half an ounce per day. He or she spends the day "simulating breathing by inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid, sucking on his or her thumb, blinking, and pivoting from side to side." Around now, the baby also probably has a full head of hair.

According to the chiropractor, I've had an influx of the Relaxin hormone, making my ligaments quite loose. It seems my sense of balance is more affected than ever... After several months, I took a chance on the Wii Fit the other night. It was quite a sight, I'm sure, when I stumbled off the board.

I continue to exercise, though -- everything from walking to bouncing on the exercise ball to Denise Austin's "Fit and Firm Pregnancy." Her breathy, perky voice makes me want to punch something.

Braxton Hicks contractions continue on, and only once did I consider there was a chance I could be in labor (obviously, it was a false alarm). After two hours of painful contractions that extended to my back, I fell asleep and woke up feeling fine.

It took me a little while to realize what has changed for me in the last few days. That feeling of deja vu? It's because my preoccupation with finding labor signs is just like my old preoccupation with finding ovulation and pregnancy signs back in 2009. Continuously analyzing bodily fluids and cramps, counting days, Google searching obscure medical terminology...

Sometimes I pause just to "reconnect" with the baby and remember to slow down and stop obsessing, if that's possible.

Walker says, "Mine."

34 weeks album

Today's post is a full-on photo album, starting with a comparison of five weeks to 34 weeks...



We officially have six weeks to go (give or take... hopefully take...). Things are beyond busy, in a wonderful way -- we've had all three baby showers and have a very full nursery!

Here's the pack 'n play from the Simpsons that we set up in the living room, featuring Alex the Lion (we named him after the Madagascar character). The lion serves two purposes. Andy picked it out and bought it for the baby, but also to be my focal point in the delivery room.



Here are photos from the Simpson shower, featuring the belly yarn game, baby bingo... and the last picture is the backseat of the car afterward! Thank you, everyone, for all of baby's amazing gifts.









Finally, here are pictures from the shower at the Stawicki house. The baby shower games were definitely the highlight, featuring the men-with-balloon-bellies first, then blindfolded-pudding-feeding, and near the bottom even Andy got a special shower gift:









One more big THANK YOU to everyone. We're so lucky, and Baby Schultz is certainly going to be spoiled.

30 weeks contractions

Contractions!

Andy and I waited in line for about an hour to meet Joe Satriani and get his autograph. I spent a lot of the wait rocking back and forth, stretching my hips, and feeling the baby...


Periodically, I've been getting the feeling that the baby is stretching or getting "bigger" for a few moments. The truth finally hit me while we were waiting in line.

"Andy, I'm so dumb."

"What?"

"The baby's not getting bigger. My uterus is getting smaller!"

What the other people in line thought of that conversation, I'm not sure. But I'm so excited to know what a practice contraction feels like! It's one more milestone down...

We're officially three-quarters of the way there! Here's a look at 10 weeks, to 20, to 30:

29w 2d role models

Remember 9 weeks pregnant, when I felt like a whale?


Fast forward to 29 weeks pregnant. Let me introduce you to the mammoth:


Baby Update: The breastfeeding class was informative but dull, and I apologize again to Andy for making him go. As a dairy farmer's son, he couldn't help but make the comparison between his wife and a cow. "I don't care if they call it a breast pump," he says, "That's a milker." The doctor's appointment went well yesterday -- the heartbeat is good, my weight is good, and no call today means that the diabetes test was also probably good.

As for me, something has gone sour with my patience. Things that may be contributing to the new, irritable me:

• The stranger who shall remain nameless who (not long ago) changed his cell phone number, so that I could end up with his old cell phone number and inherit the daily phone calls from the creditors who are hunting him
• The return of the awful nausea (oh how I missed you)
• Bone-deep exhaustion
• The dry heat in my office
• Waking up in the night from back pain, when sleep used to be my one reprieve
• I'd include the rapid growth of the alien within -- how it's getting more and more uncomfortable with each squished breath I take -- but each kick/stab/jab/stretch is still too miraculous to me

Then I read over that list and realize that I sound like a big, ungrateful whiner, and feel even worse.

This past week, to put it gently, insult has been laid on a mass scale against women who blog about parenthood. I don't actually consider myself among them, since I don't profit from any of this and don't have what you'd call a following, but it doesn't do much for my confidence to know that pretty much every group I do belong to (women, wives, working mothers-to-be, and so-called mommy-bloggers) is under attack. I guess it's nothing new, and not what it may have been once.

So an early Mother's Day "Thank You" goes out to my mothers and grandmothers, you generations before me paving the way for strong women who, despite being told now that they are whiners (because they struggle) and bad mothers (because they work and blog), nevertheless continue to write and work and parent and grieve and love and recognize their flaws publicly, all without ever giving in to the cruelty that would drag them down.

Bravo to:

• Deuce, for blogging on HGTV despite the people who followed her there just to hate;
• Finslippy for being sensitive;
• Redneck Mommy for being bold;
• Mom-101 for taking on the New York Times; and
• Her Bad Mother for receiving the cruelest letter ever sent, and living to write about it.

My own little response to that there sophisticated newspaper: Bloggers are masquerading if they make ad revenue? I will corrupt what a blog should be if I use the things I know about SEO, SEM, branding, keywords, and social media to gain followers, rather than continuing to blog quietly? Thanks for taking us back to the "Quiet Revolution" of the 70s and making bloggers feel guilty, not just for providing for their families, but for being individuals as well as mothers.

The world is full of role models, if you've been raised to recognize them.

25w 2d tequila

This is the 85th post to this baby-laden blog and we’re getting oh so close to only 100 days in the countdown. Back at the beginning, I remember wondering what it would be like when we finally got to this point…

What will it be like when I’m big and round? Uncomfortable… bizarre… like I’ve had a large, half-inflated beach ball implanted under my stretched-out skin. And if I even think about slouching a fraction of an inch, my lungs ache.

What will kicks feel like? Like one of those strong heartbeats you get after running a mile, only lower down and amplified. The softer ones are like a padded nudge while the harder ones are like someone has hooked around and jabbed at your guts. It used to be localized, but now I’ll just as easily feel a kick to the nether regions followed immediately by a jab to the ribs.

Will I stop thinking about miscarriage? Not really. I still think about the first baby, who never had a chance. Sometimes I wish I knew if it had been a girl or boy, and sometimes I’m glad I don’t know, glad it ended quickly before it could’ve broken even more of my heart, if that’s possible. But I still wonder if something can go wrong with this pregnancy, or even a future pregnancy, and if I’m going to be put through that again.

I’m still surprised this is really happening. This afternoon I lifted my shirt for a moment and watched my child – my child – move and thump around in his/her cramped neighborhood (AKA my ribcage). We have a child. We made a person. And he/she is growing. Here is exhibit A to admit into evidence:


In case you heard the naming rumor, it’s true. This weekend, Andy did in fact say, “If we have a Mexican baby, can we name it Toquita Banana?”

Ahh, Baby Toquita, how we long to gaze upon your Hispanic face. At least we aren’t naming you Tequila.

In honor of Toquita Banana, here’s my favorite song by my favorite Mexican pop star (La Pared versión acústica, by Shakira).

Sabes que sin ti ya yo no soy
Sabes que a donde vayas voy, naturalmente
Después de ti la pared, no me faltes nunca
Debajo el asfalto y mas abajo estaría yo,
Sin ti

You know that without you I no longer am
You know wherever you go, I go, naturally
After you, the wall, don’t ever let me be without you
Beneath the asphalt and even deeper down, I’d be,
Without you.

19w 2d weight

Here's the whale-tastic 19 week belly comparison:


I consulted the American Pregnancy Association to learn a little more about healthy pregnancy weight gain, because every morning when I step on the scale I get a larger number than the day before, and I'm starting to get worried.

I was a "normal" weight before getting pregnant, but close to underweight for my height. The recommended total weight gain for me is 25 - 37 pounds.

In the first trimester I was supposed to gain 3 - 5 pounds, and I really didn't gain anything. In the second and third trimesters, I am supposed to be gaining 1 - 2 pounds per week. Instead, I'm starting to see a pound per day (yikes).

Going by the instructions above, the maximum I should've gained by now is about 11 pounds, which is exactly what I've gained. So it's definitely time to slow down now, if I want to gain only a pound per week from here on out.

Easier said than done, hmm? Maybe it's time I go back to my old friend, caloriecount.about.com.

In a nostalgic mood, I added Debbie Gibson to my iPod this morning. Here's "We Could Be Together." The pic used in this YouTube clip is priceless '80s.

I'll give up my security
For just the possibility
That we could be together
For a while
If you said, "Jump"
I'd say, "How high?"
If you said, "Run"
I'd run and fly
Just for the chance
Just for the moment
Should the moment pass us by
And if you ask once
I'll tell you twice
I'll ignore the world's advice
If we could be together
For a while

15w 4d reason

Once everyone is in the "know" about Baby Schultz, we may be asked why we waited so long to go public.

The first and main answer is that we were, and still are, scared. Every day, I think about my baby and wonder if it's okay or if it's not going to make it to term. I don't know if we'll ever completely get over the abrupt end to our shortlived first pregnancy. I still, in the back of my mind, think of this baby as "Baby Schultz No. 2."

I realize this climate of fear is just beginning. They say a mother never stops worrying about her children. I guess Andy and I may simply be starting a little early in our worrying.

Our parents have been eager for grandchildren, and I imagine it would be just as painful for them as for us if something were to go wrong with the pregnancy. So we've been waiting for your own good. (There, do I sound like a parent?)

The second answer, far less significant but still a factor to me, was I didn't want to steal anyone's thunder. We aren't the only excited pregnant couple in the family. I certainly haven't been in need of a spotlight, shy as I am.

The third answer is that Christmas is absolutely my favorite time of the year. The weeks leading up to the holiday are special to me, and were made even more so the year that Andy proposed to me on Christmas Eve. Similarly, I wanted this announcement to coincide with the season.

Okay, here's the 15-week belly comparison. Remember, baby is 4.5 inches from crown to rump right about now... this isn't (just) from eating too many Christmas cookies. I think I only look this huge at night.


Unless something significant occurs in the coming days, the next post will probably be the "introduction" for the Baby Schultz blog's new audience! Wish us luck for our big announcement weekend. It feels a little like stepping out onto a big empty stage, only much more pleasant. Deep breaths...

P.S. I ate all the remaining Rice Krispie Treats in the house. Don't judge me. I'm just the vessel.

[Return to introduction post.]

14w 3d* heartbeat

This post has an asterisk because my "weeks/days" label has changed again. Although the doctor says my due date is still May 31, 2010, she claims that today I am 14 weeks and 3 days pregnant. So... we'll have 15 weeks behind us on Saturday rather than Monday.

Here is the 14 weeks (and 2 days...) belly comparison:

All went well at the doctor appointment. Blood pressure is 96/48. It seems falling in pregnancy is pretty common and my body is pretty well equipped to protect Baby Schultz. I never thought I'd be so thankful for these hips and butt.

We heard the heartbeat today (you can try listening to the video below -- you'll have to turn the volume up as it is a recording of a recording). It was fast and loud and healthy. Every time I think of it, I'm reminded that this person is alive inside me. Could there be anything more exciting?

I suspect Andy thinks his new iPod Touch is more exciting, but I'll give him a break. He said he'll finally be excited (as excited as I am) about the baby when it is "out."

Does he realize that's potentially only 25 weeks away? That we're 3/8 of the way there? Every day that passes we get closer to meeting our child!

According to the doctor, we'll have the big diagnostic ultrasound during the second week in January, and that's also about when the baby will begin hearing.

Just so everyone is clear on this... We ARE finding out the gender, but we are NOT sharing it with anyone else! Please don't be angry! We just want something that's "ours," at least until Baby Schultz's big arrival.

[Return to introduction post.]

11w 1d comparison

Belly photo time. I promise I'll wait a few more weeks before I subject you to any more of my scary pale skin. The stupid face I'm making at the bottom is because husband was making me laugh.

9w 1d whale

Ahhhhh! Are you serious? This is nine weeks pregnant, in a first pregnancy?

Granted, there's some weird driver's-license-esque shadowing going on there, but what the H? I'm blowing up!

According to the Internet (how on earth did our mothers survive their pregnancies without the Internet?), I'm probably just the most bloated I've ever been in my life and it'll be a month or two before that bubble of whatever is replaced by actual baby.

Or else I'm well on my way to looking like a beached whale come May 2010.

Quotes from maternity shirts seen online... Anyone have any other good ones?

I'm not fat, I'm pregnant
I'm a virgin... but this is an old T-shirt
I think I might be pregnant (worn on someone far along)
Touch the belly, lose the hand
Watermelon smuggler
Coming to a hospital room near you
Birth control is for wimps
I grow people. What's your superpower?
Yup... I swallowed a basketball
Don't touch me. It's contagious.