How much has happened in four weeks? Instantly, my life changed. Fletcher is what matters more than anything. Every day has been a blur that flies by with feedings and diaper changes and feedings and baths and feedings... I blink and 8:00 a.m. becomes 4:00 p.m. There is no time for anything at all except Fletcher, and that's fine with me.
I'm stealing one more week home with my baby who, unbelievably, is almost a month old. The days disappear.
My goal this week is to get (or almost get) a routine going that will fit with my work schedule. Fletch is still insisting on eating every two hours, though, and he's recently become just a little fussy -- not colic, just awake for a five-hour period where no amount of eating will satisfy his appetite (I think it's because he simply has nothing else to entertain him during this wakeful period, just milk, fuss, milk, fuss, milk, fuss). So far, this high maintenance wakeful period has been in the morning, with him sleeping fairly well in the afternoon.
The schedule I'd like to achieve...
1:00 a.m. Feed Fletch
4:00 a.m. Feed Fletch
6:00 a.m. Get ready for work
7:00 a.m. Feed Fletch
7:30 a.m. Pump
8:00 a.m. Go to work, pump mid-morning & mid-afternoon
9:00 a.m. Bottle feed
11:00 a.m. Bottle feed
1:00 p.m. Feed Fletch on lunch hour
3:30 p.m. Bottle feed
6:00 p.m. Feed Fletch
8:00 p.m. Feed Fletch
9:40 p.m. Bathe Fletch
10:00 p.m. Feed Fletch
repeat
With this schedule, I would be looking at a manageable six hours of sleep if Fletch eats quickly, but I don't know how to make this schedule a reality. Come next week, I will have no choice but to leave for work at 8:00 a.m., and Andy will get stuck with whatever schedule the little dude is on. Today, Fletch needed constant attention from 8:00 a.m. until 12:30 p.m., as in I couldn't take the time to eat, shower, or do anything for myself unless I wanted to hear him scream. (This afternoon, he's back to eating every two hours and sleeping between.)
If this keeps up, poor Andy will be getting no sleep. With his new schedule, he'll be working all night on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, plus a little afternoon on Wednesday and a day shift on Friday. It sounds like Grandma Patty might help out on Wednesday and Friday.
I can't help feeling like if I work out a schedule and practice it this week, maybe it will help me deal with next week. Or maybe I'm kidding myself.
I know we'll be okay, all three of us. I told Andy this week, I have everything I want. Everything. A husband I love like crazy, a son that I can't live without.
I'll see Fletch every night and every weekend. I'll see Andy every weekend. It will have to be enough.
"Innocence" by Avril Lavigne
Waking up I see that everything is okay
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now, and I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by
I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now, and I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliant, it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliant, please don't go away
'Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by
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