26 weeks psych

The prenatal massage was, like most massages I've had, useless. I was on the table when it was all done, and my back still killed me with knots. The situation was the same before the pregnancy as it is now -- I can't find a massage therapist who will take me seriously when I say that the pain is intense. I must appear just another delicate female with a whining problem.

I'm tempted to be my stubborn self and just "deal" as I've done since quitting the chiropractor, but I'm only being lazy and hurting myself. So I made an appointment with a new chiropractor for Friday morning, a woman who specializes in pregnancy (among other things). Maybe it will be the same old problem and she won't understand me. Maybe my insurance will fail me. But I'll try.

It's the same reason I'll keep doing the Denise Austin pregnancy exercise DVD even though I want to slap her grinning, over-tanned face.

Because underneath the lazy facade, I'm not actually a quitter. I have my priorities pretty well in order.

I've been thinking a lot about mental health today, as well as nutrition and exercise. I filled out an online survey for the new chiropractor that covered all manner of health topics as part of this overall wellness plan (even though I'll only be taking advantage of the chiropractic side).

The results of my evaluation spoke very poorly for my nutrition (surprise, surprise), but well for my mental health. There were many questions about stress levels, dealing with problems, voicing my opinions, etc. I really wasn't worried about my mental health, communication skills, or coping methods, but it still felt good to pass the test, even if it was just a dumb online survey.

Now if only I could pass muster on the nutrition.

Andy said that we'll start eating better -- and eating at home -- before baby's arrival. We'll eat our fruits, veggies, and protein. We'll cut back on the grease. I'm all too aware that it's so much easier said than done.

We have to do it for baby! (Who, by the way, is very close to being named via compromise!) Bad nutrition or not, baby has been kick-kick-kicking.

I can't believe we're in the double-digits! Less than 100 days to go!

A favorite "mental health" song, "That I Would Be Good" by Alanis Morissette.

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you