Wednesday, August 26, 2009

CD5 repression

Andy surprised me on our anniversary by taking me to the movie theater. He expected me to choose The Time Traveler's Wife, but I still don't feel up to watching a movie that I know will feature the romantic love story complete with child. So I chose Inglorious Basterds, and loved it. Very different, very funny yet gory, very Quentin Tarantino.

Today feels a lot more bearable to me. I am coming back. The dominant feelings now are impatience tempered with disappointment, and I can live with that. I've found a corner where I can put the pain and forget about it for longer stretches of time, as long as I'm not watching romantic baby comedies and the like.

It reminds of New Moon, when Bella avoids all things that remind her of what she lost, in order to stay numb.

I am relieved that my petty anger is also gone. Though there is still jealousy, it is small and more natural. All in all, it feels like a better day. Empty, but not desolate.

A good friend that I've had since childhood and her husband recently welcomed a second baby girl to the family, and I feel joy and relief that baby and mother are both healthy now (despite a scary third trimester). No one deserves it more, and I can't wait to meet her!

This is one of my favorite quotes from New Moon by Stephenie Meyer.
I was like a lost moon -- my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation -- that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.

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