Tuesday, October 13, 2009

7w 1d* precision

The way Andy and I share this secret is so precious to me. As eager as I am to announce the news, I love that this is ours, and only ours. I've never felt closer to him than I do now.

Our second appointment with Dr. Hicks was brief and wonderful. "Yep, there it is," she said the moment she started the ultrasound. "That's the little heartbeat."

It's so tiny and so fragile, yet so alive. Andy said, "I guess I can't deny it now," and smiled. I love you.

At the moment, the due date widgets here are a little off, technically. Normally, today would be 7w 4d, but according to the ultrasound we were just at seven weeks yesterday, making my due date May 31. Of course, that's subject to change based on how Baby Schultz grows. I suppose I should've labeled my entries by date.

I told Andy I'd have to adjust all my calendars now. He was nice enough to describe me as "precise" rather than "obsessed." Thank you. My "precision" is a product of overactive thoughts due to excitement (and fear), and possibly a need to feel like I have some level of control in this situation.

When the doctor says that the chance of miscarriage goes down after 12 weeks, all I hear is that the chance of miscarriage is up right now. I want to tell my head please to stop constantly thinking thinking thinking about it before I go totally insane.

But then I sigh and smile like a silly person, just at those two little words... our baby. These are the thoughts of which I will never tire.

It's so overwhelming that it's really there. I'm scared I'll wake up from this dream. Here's the picture with the size computed -- not even half an inch yet. Grow, baby, grow!

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