Tuesday, April 20, 2010

34w 1d idealism

I was already contemplating a certain train of thought today when I read a post from Her Bad Mother listing the 10 worst things about motherhood, and the one best (her children).

I was thinking today about idealism, or as Her Bad Mother calls it, romanticism. Arguably, I started this blog because I was so full of this romanticism that I had to have a place to let it spew out on the page, so I could say, I am pregnant, finally pregnant -- I'm going to be a mother -- I love this baby already -- and holy crap, I have a baby growing inside me right now and isn't that the weirdest/ coolest/ most sublime thing ever?

At the same time, the blog is used so I can get my brain to shut up about all the discomfort and fear (again by spewing on the page).

On the way to work this morning, out of nowhere, I had the thought, I am so lucky. SO lucky. I love the greatest guy in the world and by some miracle he loves me back and we're married. We managed to make a baby. And in no time at all, we're going to be this crazy happy family, and how did I get so lucky? Yes, it was like someone took hold of my hormone dial and turned it all the way to the super sappy setting.

But I've been wondering, is it a good thing or a bad thing to romanticize motherhood at this stage in the game? I'm going to be there shockingly soon, and wouldn't it be better if I focused on reality (or as close as I can, given that I won't know the whole reality until I get there)?

Should I focus on and somehow begin coping with the 10 worst things about motherhood?

Should I leave that in the hazy future and instead be the sappy romantic who admits to talking lovingly to her belly?

We are all part of the dichotomy at work in today's baby culture, and the dichotomy is all part of us. Tortured and in love at the same time, filled with equal parts terror and idealism.

Perhaps the real challenge will be holding on to the idealism when the difficult job begins... Or perhaps that will be the most natural part of it all?

From the beautiful 9 Crimes by Damien Rice:
Is that alright? Yeah
To give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright? Yeah
If you don't shoot it
How am I supposed to hold it?
Is that alright with you?

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