Monday, March 29, 2010

31 weeks promotion

"... and then I think, Wow, she's really going to have a baby..."

I'm not the only one who has a difficult time with the reality of what's coming, what's happening, what's changing. I received a promotion today. The quote is from my boss, who was in the process of making it clear -- because sometimes it's good to say these things out loud -- that she would never be the kind of employer who lets her employees' pregnancy or parental situations affect their job status or potential.

Still... Wow, she's having a baby... That's going to change things...

So my boss and I made tentative plans to discuss the details of the maternity leave at a time closer to the due date. She said she wasn't sure if I wanted to be cut off during my leave or if I wanted to stay in the loop, checking emails and checking in. Maybe you don't know yet either, she said.

It's true. Speculation fills my plate. With a side of anticipation, a cold glass of anxiety, and impatience for dessert. I want so badly to get started, to meet this person who's going to change things so absolutely -- who has already begun changing things. Changing me.

Will it all become routine? Will the time come that there is no distance anymore that I will stand and look out at my life and my husband and my child, my family, with incredulity? At what point will it seem real?

Even with the impatience is the sense that things are in a constant state of motion, so that as soon as I grow used to something, it has already moved on, moved up... been promoted to the next step. There is no doubt my child will be the same.

What Andy was singing to my belly tonight -- "Oooh, oooh, child... you're gunna come out in 60-some days..."
From "Ooh, Child," by Five Stairsteps:
Some day we'll put it together and we'll get it all done
Some day when your head is much lighter, yeah
Some day, we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun, yes, we will
Some day when the world is much brighter

Ooh, ooh, child, things are gonna get easier
Ooh, ooh, child, things'll get brighter

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