4w 4d epoch

I had one pregnancy test left, so I figured I might as well use it. The line this morning was as dark and thick as is absolutely possible. What a wonderful way to end the pee-stick era.

This pregnancy officially has lasted longer than my first. Will I stop thinking constantly about miscarriage now? Can I stop wondering and worrying at every cramp? I don't have an answer to that yet.

I was thinking this morning that my life can be divided by decades. My life as a small child was in the 1980s (age 0-8), as an older child was in the 1990s (age 8-18), and as a young adult was in the 2000s (age 18-28). Now my life as the mother of a small child, a new epoch, will be in the 20-teens. I'm happy to say I'll still be 27 when the baby is born in May or June 2010. That's only a year older than my parents were when they had me.

It's like standing on the edge of a cliff with the decision to jump already made. Now I have to rock back on my heels and wait there for eight more months. It feels like a long wait from where I stand now, though I know that it will fly by. Although I can't prevent my imagination from plunging me daily into daydreams of finally having my infant, I'll enjoy life for what it is at the moment, while I still can. I'll do some writing, go to movies and out to eat, and generally enjoy being my own boss for just a little while longer, if I can.

From "It's Over" by Lisa Loeb.

Too much to ask for
May leave me feeling lonely
But too little
Leaves me nothing, nothing...
Are we still solemn and bleeding?
Are we still swimming to water that was already wet?