Wednesday, September 23, 2009

4w 5d solitude

My brain is telling me I should be more scared of parenthood, but the dominating emotion today is impatience. I thought all that impatience would taper off once I finally got my pregnancy wish. Apparently I have a waiting disorder.

The shared medical appointment last night was nice only because it was a baby-related activity that Andy and I could do together. I didn't learn much, except that the upcoming doctor appointments will be only five to ten minutes long. Hmm. Not much time for basking.

So it appears that pregnancy, especially this first half where no one else knows, is a very solitary kind of enjoyment. Unless I want to take a prenatal class, there's no outlet for experiencing pregnancy outside of my own head (except this blog -- which, let's face it, is a complete vanity project. I'm talking to myself about myself.).

Happy dances just aren't as much fun when you're the only one dancing. I want to see my baby. I want to know how he's developing at this precise moment. I want it to be December already so I can feel him and "see" him and really experience it all -- and tell people. I want want want. It's all bound to fly by so why can't I settle down?

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